I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
