Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
