We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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