operation have a gay friend backfired
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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