i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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