I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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