no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
