i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
