The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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