i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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