i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My feet surprised me
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