wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
