I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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