I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
