im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
