I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
