I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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