I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
being pregnant is like rehab
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
