Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
