So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
