What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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