The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
