I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
