Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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