Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
