I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
