I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
