Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You can't special order awesome
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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