I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
worst night to have a conscience
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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