So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
