he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
