i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
