im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize