He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
did i walk over a car last night?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
