Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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