you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize