I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
