Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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