I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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