I love black thongs
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i wish my penis had a tongue
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
