If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
should my penis look like a turkey
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
