there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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