Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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