I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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