our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
