Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
