I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize