He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
