Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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