what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
