note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
