You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
