Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
