i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
