Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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