this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
