Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
there is puke in my bra ... again
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
