i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
