What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
