Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
