I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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