If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
