Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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