Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
