chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
