You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
