Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I have one thing to say: spongebath.

(1-781): View more from Massachusetts

I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.

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(213): View more from California

i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.

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(323): View more from California

Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis

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(806): View more from Texas

You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts

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