Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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