I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
