Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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