I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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