what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
try to milk me bitch
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